Napkin on the window

To stop or not to stop…that is the question! Anyone that lives in an urban area is use to homeless people. You actually recognize them and even know some of them by name.  However, in general, you do nothing more then smile, give a nod and go on with your day. Quietly judging and occasional taking a second to be thankful for all that you have. Yesterday was a little different. My friend Chris and I were going to have lunch. As I’m exiting the car continuing to tell him the ups and downs and waiting to find out about chemo and radiation a homeless kid on the street chimes in.  We stopped for a moment and listened to him. He was telling us about a book and how it healed him of several things.  We had a little banter and then went into the restaurant. When we finished with lunch and went back to the car we found the note below on the window. By this time the kid had walked away. I folded up the note and we left. BUT what an impression he made on me. I want to know his story! Is he homeless? Is he on drugs? Is he crazy? Was he kicked out of his house for some reason out of is control? Or is he exactly where he wants to be? I want to go back and find him, but what would I say? What would I do? Or is it just a moment of pay it forward? Regardless I appreciate the time he took to offer up his advice. I hope in some way that maybe this blog might be “my napkin on the window” for someone else.

Ok…enough of my musing onto the update. Until today the last few days have been pretty uneventful. With everything I’ve been through in the last month that is a nice change. Monday the 27th was exactly a month since my diagnosis as well as Santé’s 16th birthday! I actually felt well enough have lunch with Cindy and Kim, go to Santé’s basketball game AND have dinner!!  I was pretty much down for the count on Tuesday but it was worth it! I’m still in pain but it is getting better everyday.

Amazing gift from Gaga! Tango wants one sooo bad! haha

Today was my last post op follow up with my PS. She removed the remaining sterile strips (tape) took my “after” photos and gave me the thumbs up! Once I see my oncologist and radiologist next week I’ll have a better idea of when I start radiation and I will see her again to confirm when I’m physically ready to start. From there we moved onto the fertility doctor.  Now some of you may be wondering why a fertility doctor. Well with chemo not off the table and radiation imminent, freezing eggs is my best “insurance” incase the cancer treatments kill a lot of good cells (and fertility) as well! Which they are known to do.  So a new car or a down payment on a house in TX later I actually started today. We were just expecting a consultation but with time being of the essence I did my first injection today and I will go back tomorrow after my blood work is back for the rest of the treatment. Basically they will teach me how to give myself the injections and I will give myself two injections a day for the next 12-15 days.  Then when I’m ready it will be a quick out patient procedure to “harvest” my eggs and freeze them.  Whoopie more anesthesia and surgery. Well….if it gives me piece of mind then I’m all for it. Fingers crossed that it’s an insurance policy we will not have to cash!

So…the other important stuff!

September 5^th – Appointment with an oncologist

September 7^th – Appointment with alternative Doctor – to discuss adjunctive therapy or alternatives to chemo and hormone therapy

September 10 – appointment with my radiologist
TBD - Chemo and Radiology

Still waiting on the BRAC1 and Onco test results. Well…until then! 

Cancer free...technically!

Hello everyone! Sorry I've been a bit MIA lately. The surgery took a lot of out me and I've pretty much been down for the count. I've had some good days and some bad days but over all I would say they have been pretty good. The last two days have been eventful! So....to catch everyone up!

Yesterday we went to see the Plastic Surgeon. Everything is right on track with healing and I was able to remove the drains. Man that sucked! Basically they send you home with tubes coming out of each side that collects fluid. Everyday you have to measure and dump out the contents. Once you are below 20cc's of fluid a day they can come out! My left side probably finished about two days ago but my right finished yesterday. Perfect timing for my post op appointment! Not to go into gory details but they basically just pull the tubing out and patch you up. Um...does it hurt! Oh hell yes! I definitely let out a few expletives. As my mother says if I didn't say it all the time they wouldn't come out at inopportune times. Well...sometimes regular words just do not suffice! So she felt me up, patched me up and sent me on my way. I'm scheduled to see her again next week to remove the surgical tape. Overall I'm extremely happy with the outcome. The girls are definitely smaller but still there! Just nice and perky! Just like I wanted. It really has been a huge mental help for me to feel more like a plastic surgery patient instead of cancer patient. 

So…today was my follow up with my breast surgeon. Everything looks good with my lymph node incision. It is definitely sore and sensitive but hopefully that will go away soon. I can almost fully extend my arm above my head, which I guess is above average this soon after surgery. I’ll settle for average at this point so above average is stellar!

Ok, the important stuff…I am technically cancer free!! :) Yippee!  Surgery was just the beginning but it was a great start! The entire margin came back clean. What that means is they are confident that they were able to remove all of the cancer and a good portion of healthy tissue around the cancer. The other good news is the lymph nodes came back negative. Well kind of! The cancer did spread to A lymph node (meaning one) but they removed it. There were also a few cancer cells in the other nodes but not enough for it to be considered positive. There were a few bad notes.  Turns out the cancer was a lot worse then anticipated. I had multiple tumors malignant and benign. The three largest malignant were 3.6cm, 2.4cm, and 1.4cm.  Sounds like there was a big ol cancer party in my boob! Sorry cancer this party is over! In the words of my surgeon we really did catch everything just in time. It was on the verge of turning into a body party instead of just a boob party! These are technical terms y'all ;)

Ok,  so what does all of this mean? Good question! Now is another game of hurry up and wait. Currently we are waiting on the chemosensativity testing. Since the tumors were larger and multiple chemo therapy is not off the table yet. However, I have chosen to do an “onc” test on the tumor. This will tell us if my cancer will even respond to chemotherapy. Why do chemo if it isn’t even going to be effective! I am also waiting on a BRAC1 test, which will tell us if I have the cancer gene. The out come of both of these test will help determine my next step. So here we are again…waiting. I will see my oncologist and radiologist in the next two weeks to figure everything out. So stay tuned!

Hello from the flip side!

Well...I finally have a little bit of strength and clarity to send my own update! I see that Andre has done an amazing job of keeping you all informed and with his own flare. As you can imagine he has been amazing and words cannot express my gratitude. BUT..I’ve got the rest of my life to say thank you and he's not quiet done taking care of me just yet! As much as I wish this part of the journey were over I've still got a lot of recovery ahead. 

Right now my main focus is staying ahead of the pain so to speak. Everyone that knows me knows I have a high threshold for pain but with that comes a high tolerance for pain medicine.  Not sure why they would think if I needed iv Diladid between my Percocet pills in the hospital that just Percocet alone would work when they sent me home. Well…it’s all they gave me so all I can do is suck it up and deal with it! We figured out it was best to wake me up every four hours to take my pain meds instead of letting me sleep through it. I am happy to say last night I was able to sleep through it! Woke up in a lot of pain but I did get about 6 hours of solid sleep! Hopefully I’m finally “ahead of the pain” now and it will just get better from here.

Once again cancer just seems to be one waiting game after another. First biopsy results, then schedule surgery, now waiting for the pathology from the tumor and lymph nodes. It turns out some of my lymph nodes were actually bigger then my tumor. Not sure if that’s bad or good yet! I’m hoping it just means they were doing their job and fighting the cancer from spreading.  My surgeon asked me to check in on Monday to see if my path results were back but he figured it would probably be Tuesday or so before they had everything. Once they are back I will schedule a meeting with him and we will finally really know what the next step will be. Regardless radiation will still be on the table.

So for now we wait…and I heal! The portable air conditioner arrived yesterday! It really is a godsend! No central air during this heat wave was no bueno! Plus Andre was able to get a little aggression out by breaking the window to put the hose through. We are not officially ghetto…cardboard and masking tape and all!  Hey.. it works!!

I am slowly getting back on line and will try and respond to everyone. The love and prayers have been overwhelming and we really appreciate it.  The flowers are all holding up nicely and have brightened up the apartment! I even had enough strength to play a little Cards Again Humanity with Stephanie and Andre last night. Gotta love a man with the same sick sense of humor as me…below is Andre’s answer to one

Well, I promise to try and keep everyone updated. I’m still really weak and making it from the couch to the bathroom is a choir but everyday does get better. All I really want now is a  blowout and a proper shower! Hopefully in the next few days! However, Andre doesn’t seem to be complaining about having to give me a sponge bath.  Ha, I can’t even brush my own hair so I’ll take it! So for now i will sit back and enjoy this beautiful salad Andre just prepared for me...chicken and all! 

war is declared and battle come down on cancer!

bonjour sonjas friends,

this is andre` sonjas best friend, lover and life partner, some of you know me and some of you dont but we all know and love sonja so at the end of the day we are all truly connected to one another through her love for us all. this will be my 1st post on her blog and ill try to be as funny as sonja but you know sonja shes got this wicked sense of humor, even with cancer in the shadows. 

well as im here at the hospital waiting  for updates i just want all of you to know shes in surgery now, the process is estimated to last 8 hours, "wow 8 fucking hours" now you all know sonja, shes looking at it as 8 hours of much needed sleep and the fact that she'll have a new set of tits by the time she wakes up, (im stoked) im quoting her here. before going into the o.r she was laughing and joking around with her team of doctors typical of sonja to poke fun at any situation no matter how serious. i mean really did you think she was just gonna sit back and let this shit get her down, hell no! sonja wins! again!

sonja has this thing about her that is so wonderful, magical at times really, her amazing outlook on everything whether positive or negative is above and beyond! im in awe of her in so many ways and for this i love her like no other! she has been my rock, she is the moon of my life! i am moved beyond words from the out pour of love, prayers, meditations and support not only from our families but from each and everyone of her friends, co-workers, past and present. your words to her have been the pilar of strength your energy has given her the courage and the attitude to kick the shit out of this, sonja can do that, kick the shit of things. 

so on that note ive now gotten my 1st update from dr karlan her surgeon, he is quite pleased with the removal of the cancer we are not sure what the final size was, tbd. so phase 1 went very well, phase 2 will be several hours before we have an update, i will do my best to blog again tonight when shes out and resting. 

i love and appreciate each and every one of you.

namaste,

dre`

Going once...going twice..Goodbye Cancer! Surgery Time

Well the day is almost here! Surgery is set for 10:30am tomorrow! I have to check in at 8:30am and they estimate it will take about 8 hours. Yes you read that correctly eight (8) hours! 

Details below:

8:30am - Check in

10:30am - Surgery begins - haha which I highly doubt it will start on time but hey...just going with what they are telling me

10:30am- 1:30pm - Tentative time it will take for the lumpectomy and removal of lymph nodes

1:30pm - 6:30pm - Tentative time it will take for reduction/reconstruction

6:30pm-7:30pm - Recovery

7:30pmish- Hopefully nice and cozy in my hospital room

Location 
Cedars-Sanai - Main Hospital
8700 Gracie Allen Drive - South Tower
For updates you can call the hospital directly at 310-423-5000
http://www.cedars-sinai.edu/Patients/Patient-and-Visitor-Resources/Getting-Here/

Andre will have my cell phone and computer so feel free to text or call me and he will respond! Also, his # is 818-515-6705. 

SONJA WINS - Mortal Kombat style

I am officially radioactive! Today 
I had a lymphoscintigraphy performed. Basically radioactive dye that they inject me with to help determine which lymph nodes to remove. I asked the nuclear medicine doctor if it would give me special powers?! She smiled and said I could go home and pretend that it did but I would have to turn the lights off! It's nice when your doctors have a sense of humor as well!

I also had my final consultation with my plastic surgeon. I have lots of fun pictures of me covered in purple lines. Sorry I love you all but not posting those! At least now I have a total understanding of exactly what and where she is cutting and what she will be removing. It really is fascinating! TMI again but I had no idea that you can tattoo a nipple! Fingers crossed I wake up with mine but there is a possibility that I may not. That's a whole other conversation entirely that I’m sure I will get to at some point!

So I’m home chilling tonight! A couple of friends are coming over as I make soup and sauces with my awesome vitamix to freeze! I'll make sure Andre updates my Facebook and I will try and post something as soon as I’m up to it! You know me...it's always a party so if you are in the area come on by the hospital! Let's see if we can get kicked out! Otherwise I will be propped up on my couch for a few weeks!

Love you all and thank you so much for all of the prayers and words of encouragement! Now lets go kick cancers ass!!!

Just because! I can't be the only one that see's these and wants to pull it EVERY TIME!!!

Patients is a virtue I do not have..

Well...today I finally got pissed and cried for the first time. I, unlike a lot of people I know will cry when I'm angry before I will cry because I'm upset or sad. So today I was furious. After stalking my surgeons scheduler or whatever her title is for the past week and a half she finally called back today to tell me my surgery had been scheduled...wait for it....for September 12th!! I'm sorry, did I hear you wrong ,you meant August 12th right?!?!?!? Nope September 12th! Well...to say I lost it on her would be an understatement.  First off...how do people get anything done in the real world. Now when I say real world I guess I generally mean anything other then music or entertainment. I mean I know we are not saving lives but we sure act like we are!  It took this women almost 2 weeks to even SPEAK to my surgeon about his schedule. I get snapped at if I do not even acknowledge that I received an email within a few hours. True story...happened last night! So the fact that other people can go over a week and not even have a conversation...about cancer and when it can be removed from someone's body is beyond me!

So needless to say a few fiery phone calls to people above her head from me AND Gaga, miraculously August 15th was available again. Lesson learned today is when you haven't gotten an answer from someone within a reasonable time then go straight to the source. My surgeon may get annoyed but I'm calling him directly now.  I also have a complete lack of faith in his staff now. Ok, I'm exaggerating...just this one person but it's still a bitter taste. 

Well...lot's more to vent about but I'll catch you up another time. Just wanted to let everyone know my surgery has been schedule for Wednesday August 15th! Fingers crossed insurance approves everything and all my pre-op test come back good.

Bring on the scalpels! 

Oh and to all Born This Way Ball family travel safe and I miss you already! Be back soon!

xoxoxo

Test, test, and more test

Still waiting! Yep, I was joking the other day that getting this surgery scheduled reminds me of being back at WMA or The Firm. Everyone has conflicts and there are no conference rooms available. I could have booked a promo tour by the time they finally pick a date for this surgery! You would think they are Local 1! (only some of you will get how funny I just was)

So today was my "pre-op" day. Even though I have no "op" date yet! I have to say everyone at Cedars is so nice.  I mean almost like Stepford nice. Dont get me wrong I totally appreciate it and it really has been a pleasant experience so far. However, I do have to wonder what kind of training they go through or what rules they have to adhere to. I do believe that it is all genuine and I would like to think that I'm a breath of fresh air and positivity. Although today I have to admit I was a little less bubbly and positive. It definitely does hit you when you are sitting alone in a surgical room with an iv that something is going on. It also really hits you when it takes the poor guy 3 times to get a vein! I warned him my veins roll and he didn't believe me. Yep...they literally will pop over to the other side or roll right out from under the needle. So as per my first suggestion he went for the hand and we finally got a good line for the IV! 

Today consisted of four (4) waiting rooms, one (1) blood test, one (1) EKG, one (1) Chest X-Ray, one (1) MRI! All taking about six (6) hours! Man I'm getting good at angry birds! I have also decided that I'm going to take artsy pictures of waiting rooms. Now considering I'll pretty much be at the same hospital I might not have any more to take! I think i'm also already bored with the idea. But below is my work from today! yes...not my best work but a fun start non the less!

                     

So to recap - pre op is done! Now we just wait on results to confirm if there are any other little surprises for us. As well as still waiting for my surgery date! I'll keep you posted! 

Have a great week!